Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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