If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
