I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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