I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
third nipple confirmed
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
