I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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