Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
