i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
