**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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