If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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