So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
We don't watch enough power rangers
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
