I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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