I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
