stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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