there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
