uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I'm having to shit out rocks
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
