I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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