Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
