there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
My dick has a subreddit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I FOUND THE LEGS
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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