sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
