From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
