the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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