you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
