I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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