Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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