I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
handjob tips. give me some.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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