Sponge bath it is.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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