So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
