I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
