God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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