Pants 0. Shit 1.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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