Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
