I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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