bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
