she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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