i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize
