White coat. Heels.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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