I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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