After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
