There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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