I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Randomize
