ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
