It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just cut my nipple shaving
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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