i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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