Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
i black out too much to be "responsible"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
