i barfeds in our rink
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
