fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
