I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
