Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Did I show you my penis last night?
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
