I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
