Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
